Entertaining myself. Keep telling myself how beautiful life is. How many exciting things can be done. How much more out there i've yet to discover... However i can't lie to myself.. I felt my life is nothing. Not exciting as how i imagine it to be or wish. Not as beautiful as how i often tell myself.

I wish one day it'll all end. In a flash... This is life, i guess.. The other moment i felt like the happiest woman alive. Now i felt like a dead fish. I don't know what's going on this feelings stirring up my stomach. I feel dead.. Nth is good... not even love.. I don't know how i fall in love. Which i shouldn't. I simply could not guard my feelings.. I'm not good at this.. Im suppose to stop myself from going into 'this'. Now im left alone with no clue..

Pray, pray, pray. It helps alot.. However it does not turn things around.. I'm still feeling lousy.. I forget how's it like to b happy.. It's been long since hapiness left me.. I felt stupid. Why would i choose sadness when there's hapiness, the black when White is so much nicer.. somtimes it's not the matter of choice.. Unintentionally, i fell onto the pit of fire. eating me inside out. I don't know what to do.. Somebody help me.. My sister is always there.. But her support was not rly the thing im looking for. tHo yes i need it most of them time, perhaps all of the time.. Thank god for her and my beloved friends.. But there's something missing i just can't describe.. I'm lacking os something yet no matter how i try i cannot find the missing puzzle. I tried so hard and now im exhausted.. It's time for me to take a break.. But i can't.. I'm now down with a task thts pressurising me... I simply just have to face it afterall it's me who carelessly took the task.. Until it finished, i wont have my break..

It's terrifying.. Somehow i dun wish the task to end.. at the other end of my heart i want it to end quickly.. i'm so confused... I'm in the middle of a maze with walls that gradually change. I need something to guide me.. A map perhaps..sighs.. GODDDDD T_T