Bleh

i think blogger hates me, i dunno. everytime i try to upload a LONGER POST, it'll say "error on page". And it's not fun .. I did so much to the previous post i tried to publish, it was abt my recent JB trip.. But tht error thing happened yet again, I got fed up, and FORGET IT, some other time i'll post it again, if i remember..

Anyway, the other day i went to the hospital with mom granny n her annoying frend, n my sis. My sis went for her checkup(her back) and i was juz waiting outside the consultation room. I was reading the magazine they provided, and caught a nice phrase. " If u ever wish to b someone else, then u're juz wasting the person u alrdy are ".

Which reminds me so much of my past, i dont know y. Since i'm small i never love myself, nor like. I hated myself, i condemn myself, i treated myself like a junk. And i always look down on myself. N tht leads me to wishing to b someone else.. Like my eldest sis, whom at tht time seemed to have everything she wanted..Unlike me... My brother? who's somehow got my mom on his side all the time... and ME? i got nothing from her.. Yea those criticism mayb. Tht's totally not what i wanted.

I used to envy all of my frends, my classmates. Those who r pretty.. Even them, hated me.. Was just thinking abt now n then.. Yea it was stupid to wish i was someone else.. Without knowing, im actually good at something, at least 1. Right now im totally appreciating myself.. I praised myself.. Not tht i'm thick skinned or whatsoever. Bt i think it's a need to praise oneself once in a while..

I think the best is, to discover myself, what im good at before i start nagging n complaining at MYSELF abt how bad MYSELF is. Juz think abt it, If i dont love myself, who else will? the world will one day die, and im all alone. sighs.